An Award?? Oh My!

When I got home from work last night and got done with all the “necessities,” (you know the drill – dinner, laundry, dishes, etc.) I decided to check my blog surfer and see what my friends had to say this weekend. Imagine my surprise when I found my name listed in one of the posts! I knew that Jolene, over at Graceful Agony, was getting a “Sugar Doll Award” because I’d read Deanna’s post listing her picks, but I never expected that Jolene would choose me as one of the folks she passed it on to.

I’m honored and amazed that Jolene chose me. I haven’t known her long, but she is quickly becoming a dear friend. I’m totally impressed by her ability to stay positive (I haven’t posted in a week because I’m stuck in one of those totally negative spaces I get in sometimes, and I knew I couldn’t write without that negativity bleeding through,) and her ability to put into words what so many of us feel.

The way I understand it, now I need to tell you ten things about myself that you may not know, so here goes:

1. I’ve been suicidal off and on since I was 5 years old (that’s 46 years now, for those who are wondering,) and I can’t remember the last time I had a day when I didn’t wish I would die at least once.

2. I’ve been diagnosed with so many chronic illnesses that I can never remember all of them unless I’m reading off a list. (Let’s see: Bipolar Disorder, Fibromyalgia, Diabetes/Hypoglycemia (I’ve been diagnosed with both, so I have no idea which one I actually have,) Migraines, a rheumatoid-type arthritis, Reynaud’s Syndrome, anxiety . . . ohhh, ummm, asthma, COPD, multiple allergies, carpal tunnel syndrome, PTSD . . .) (I keep coming back to this one as I remember more “stuff.”)

3. I’m a crazy cat lady, even though I don’t own any cats. My ex wouldn’t “allow” me to have a cat, so I got birds, and now that I’ve gotten rid of the ex I won’t get a cat because I still have a spoiled rotten birdie and I won’t put him in danger. (Pardon me a moment, I have to pet the bird so he doesn’t eat my fingers or stomp about on the keyboard.)

My spoiled baby

4. I haven’t been to a doctor or had access to prescription medications in over two years, and I’m okay with that. I mostly use herbs, supplements, and aromatherapy to moderate my symptoms, along with a very few OTC meds, and except for higher levels of pain caused by working a job that’s totally inappropriate for my condition, I feel better than I did when I was taking 15 prescriptions.

5. I’m a stubborn bitch, and I refuse to allow my illnesses to control me, so I have a bad tendency to over-do things and end up in bed for a couple of days.

6. My life currently sucks, but I still consider myself an extremely lucky woman because I have a wonderful
husband and the best friends in the world. If it wasn’t for our friends, my husband and I would be living under a bridge somewhere, and would have lost everything instead of just 90% of our stuff; and if it wasn’t for one of our roommates, I still wouldn’t have a job. I’ve had online friends literally save my life, too, when I was severely suicidal, and they talked me through it.

7. I once lived without hot water or a stove for 3 months, and had no way to cook except a portable grill and a microwave. Cold showers are NOT fun! LOL

8. I love to do things for my friends, and it drives me absolutely bonkers that I can’t do more because my energy is so limited.

9. I have a bachelor’s in computer science, with a minor in criminology, and neither one of them does me any good. (As a matter of fact, they tend to be a disadvantage when applying for jobs, because interviewers always want to know why I’m applying for something outside my field, and “burnout” or “chronic illness” are NOT good answers to that question.)

10. I LOVE to read, and I enjoy “educational” programs on tv, so I know little bits of stuff about a whole LOT of things, but only a few things “in depth.”

Okay, now for the REALLY difficult part – choosing who to pass the Sugar Doll on to.

The first one has to be DA, over at Big Little Wolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy. She reminds me that there’s more to life than being sick and struggling to survive, that all the things I used to enjoy are still out there if and when I can afford them again.

Next is Dannette, at FibroHaven, who is an inspiration. She was diagnosed close to the same time I was, and, like me, will experiment with less accepted methods of treatment. I wish I could be more like her.

I can’t forget Kate, either. She writes My Life with Fibro, and totally impresses me. I found her on Twitter a few months ago, and have been following her ever since. She reminds me that no matter how hard it gets, there’s still always something to be grateful for.

Finally, Susan at Midnight Matters, who helps me remember that I’m not the only one who’s mind works “differently” and that different does not equal “bad” or “crazy.” (I found her on Twitter, too.)

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