Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

Strategies and alternatives for coping with fibromyalgia, bipolar disorder and other chronic illnesses

Archive for February, 2010

Life Gets In the Way Sometimes

Posted by wendyburnett on February 28, 2010

I hate the days when what I WANT to do isn’t possible for some reason. Sometimes it’s just “life,” sometimes it’s the illnesses, but it always frustrates the hell out of me.

I’ve started several posts over the last week, but haven’t managed to finish any of them because the pain has been so bad. I start, and I’m so “fuzzy” from the pain and exhaustion that I can’t focus, can’t put the words together in a way that says what I’m trying to express; or I can’t absorb the information from the research I’m trying to do.

Even better, my hubby has company this weekend, so I worked my ass off cleaning up before he got here (can you say TRIGGER?) I spent two of my days off cleaning, and yesterday was groceries and cooking dinner. Only a few hours of work, but on top of everything else, not a good thing for the body. Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled that T is here, and I’ve really enjoyed listening to the Navy stories. It’s also pretty helpful in a way, because they’ve been doing touristy stuff during the day, which allows me to get extra sleep; and since hubby has taken a couple of vacation days, it’s also let me spread out the usual weekend stuff that has to be done before he can go back to work on Sunday.

I got really lucky with my schedule last week and this week, too. I’m not sure how, because I didn’t request any extra time off, but last week I got three days off, and one short day (4 hours.) I normally work between 20 and 30 hours a week, mostly around 25, and last week was only 22. This week is even lighter, 4 four hour days, and although I HATE the fact that my check is going to be short, it will give me some desperately needed recovery time. (And on that note, it’s time to start getting ready to go to work. Maybe I’ll get lucky and T will take us out to dinner again when I get home . . .)

**If you are reading this post anywhere other than it is because it has been stolen. Please click on the link provided to return to the site of origin.


Posted in Chronic Illness, Fibro, Fibromyalgia, Health, Stress | Tagged: , , , , | 7 Comments »

Tears Can Be a GOOD Thing . . .

Posted by wendyburnett on February 17, 2010

I haven’t been able to cry in months… It’s just all been too much, too hard. I’ve spent hours in bed on the heating pads (not mine, I can’t afford to buy one) staring at the wall or ceiling, feeling the tears in a knot in my throat; in my dry, aching eyes; unable to release them (yes, Ginny, I’m back to the “ten-second cry.”)

Today, thanks to a very dear friend, my tears are free again. Her new post, “Is This It?” is so accurate, so much my experience lately, that I have nothing to add. For me, lately, the answer to that question has been, “yes, this is it, this is all there is, all there ever will be;” and the only prayer I’ve had is, “Please, please just let it be over soon.” I don’t really care any more HOW that ending comes, whether it’s a job for one of us that actually provides enough income to LIVE instead of barely survive, or whether it’s the end of everything, as long as it ends. (Amazingly enough, I’m not suicidal, just physically and emotionally exhausted, and waiting for the day I CAN’T do it any more, the day that waking up and getting out of bed is just TOO hard and I let down all the people I love and who depend on me.)

Thank you Big Little Wolf, for reminding me, once again, that this ISN’T it, that the pain and exhaustion always ease eventually, and that there is always hope.

**If you are reading this post anywhere other than it is because it has been stolen. Please click on the link provided to return to the site of origin.

Posted in Chronic Illness, Stress | Tagged: , , , | 12 Comments »

An Award?? Oh My!

Posted by wendyburnett on February 15, 2010

When I got home from work last night and got done with all the “necessities,” (you know the drill – dinner, laundry, dishes, etc.) I decided to check my blog surfer and see what my friends had to say this weekend. Imagine my surprise when I found my name listed in one of the posts! I knew that Jolene, over at Graceful Agony, was getting a “Sugar Doll Award” because I’d read Deanna’s post listing her picks, but I never expected that Jolene would choose me as one of the folks she passed it on to.

I’m honored and amazed that Jolene chose me. I haven’t known her long, but she is quickly becoming a dear friend. I’m totally impressed by her ability to stay positive (I haven’t posted in a week because I’m stuck in one of those totally negative spaces I get in sometimes, and I knew I couldn’t write without that negativity bleeding through,) and her ability to put into words what so many of us feel. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Bipolar Disorder, Chronic Illness, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Invisible Illness, Opinion | Tagged: , , , , , , | 11 Comments »

Blaming the “Victim” of Chronic Illness

Posted by wendyburnett on February 7, 2010

I was reading a post about blaming the victims of rape on Virginia Woods’ blog yesterday, and it made me think. “Victims” of chronic illnesses frequently get blamed for their illness as well, especially if they have something that isn’t very well understood by the medical community, like fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome. Victim blaming isn’t as common within the medical community when it comes to mental health issues like PTSD, bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, but out in the “real world;” family, friends, and acquaintances frequently blame the mentally ill for their symptoms. (Have you ever been told to “just stop thinking about it and it will go away” or “you didn’t have a problem until you started seeing a therapist?” How about, “you don’t have anything to be stressed (or depressed) about,” or “I’m tired (or in pain) too, and it doesn’t stop ME from doing what I need to do.” I have, and I expect that I will again.)

Healthy people seem to have the idea that those of us with chronic invisible illnesses can control or eliminate our symptoms with willpower. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Bipolar Disorder, Chronic Illness, Fibro, Fibromyalgia, Health, Invisible Illness, Opinion, Stress | Tagged: , , , , , , | 28 Comments »

One of Those Days . . .

Posted by wendyburnett on February 5, 2010

It’s one of those nights again . . . One of the ones where the pain is so bad that sleep is impossible, and the muscle twitching is even worse. It feels like my muscles are trying to squirm out of my skin, Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Fibro, Fibromyalgia, Invisible Illness | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »