Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

Strategies and alternatives for coping with fibromyalgia, bipolar disorder and other chronic illnesses

You’ll Be Sooooorrrrrryyyyyyyy . . .

Posted by wendyburnett on April 1, 2010

That’s what my body is telling me at the moment. It’s telling me that I’m going to pay, and pay big, for what I’ve done today. Those of you with chronic illnesses will understand; the rest will think something to the effect of, “hell, I do more than that in a few hours and never have an issue, you must just be weak.”

I finally had a good day, so I ran the vacuum cleaner, did some sweeping and cobweb removal, washed dishes, and did a couple of loads of laundry. Knowing my body (and my disease) as I do, I can tell you that for the next 3 days to a week, I’ll be lucky to manage going to work and feeding myself. The rest of the time I’ll be laying on hot packs and trying to sleep while my muscles vibrate and my body throbs.

I know better, but I couldn’t stand it any more. The dishes and laundry I “sort of” manage to keep up with, but vacuuming is becoming a rarity. This is the first time after a month long flare that I’ve been capable of moving everything around so I could do it, and it was beginning to feel like I had a dirt floor because we’d tracked in so many little rocks and leaves. Hubby would do it for me if I asked, but I’m a stubborn bitch and hate to ask for help.

I MISS being able to keep my home clean, being able to do the things that most people take for granted. I’ve always been a bit of a “Suzy Homemaker,” and I find it hugely stressful and frustrating to have to let things slide or get someone else to do them for me. I HATE not having room to keep things put away and looking decent, I HATE not having a closet, and I especially HATE living in a single room with everything we own.

That being said, I have a lot to be grateful for, too. I love our roommates, and am very grateful that they gave us a place to live when we were desperate. I’m grateful to have a husband who doesn’t blame me for being sick, and for friends who believe that I have a physical illness. I’m grateful for the friends I’ve found online who really “get it,” and who share their experience with me so that I know I’m not alone; and I’m grateful for the stubbornness that helps me survive, even though it also causes me to overdo sometimes.

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11 Responses to “You’ll Be Sooooorrrrrryyyyyyyy . . .”

  1. vics said

    Hubby would do it for me if I asked, but I’m a stubborn bitch and hate to ask for help

    ..that and some things shouldn’t need asking for *grin* my other half constantly complains that I just don’t ‘see’ the dirt..

    I have to admit though, it’s not the ability to keep a clean house that I miss (I was a ‘bare minimum’ cleaner even before I got sick) it’s the ability to keep going – to be able to plough on and get things done, to go out dancing (I REALLY miss the dancing)

    ..but you know the boom and bust route is bad! if you’d only done half that activity today you could probably have done the rest tomorrow with only a day or so of payback – PACE!

    *hugs* easier said than done though :0(

    • LOL – the problem is that if i don’t do it all on the day I’m off work, it doesn’t get done. By the time I walk a half mile to work, stand up, lift, and carry for 4 to 7 hours, and walk home; there is not a chance in hell that I’m gonna be able to do anything more active than getting clean and sitting in front of the puter.

      Hubby used to ask if I needed help, but I’ve trained him not to. It took him a while to figure out that a) I’m picky and like things done a certain way, and b) I feel less “useless” and less of a burden if I can manage. The emotional crap that comes along with needing him to come home and help with housework after he works out in the weather all day is a LOT harder for me to handle than the pain that doing it myself causes.

      I seem to have gotten lucky tho, I actually feel pretty decent.

  2. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Wendy Burnett, Jayleen Hartman. Jayleen Hartman said: You'll Be Sooooorrrrrryyyyyyyy . . . « Sick and Tired of Being …: I HATE not having room to keep things put away… http://bit.ly/ay1mM5 […]

  3. Simply said

    I know whereof you speak. I washed the dog Sunday. Actually, we both washed the dog, because I asked for help and got it. Nevertheless. My muscles were still stiff and sore and burning and twitching two days later. Not to mention, my hip and back hurt. Urgh!!

    But we have a clean, soft, fresh-smelling dog. It was probably worth it.

    • Probably? Doggie bathtime is a lot of work, but then stinky dogs are very unpleasant to be around. I bet the kidlet is glad you didn’t make him do it for you though. LOL

      • eh, Simply Jr. is grown and gone. I can ask for a lot, but the days when I can “make” him do anything are long over, alas.

      • LOL – i didn’t realize, but it HAS been a while, hasn’t it – let’s see, 10 years or so since we met, and he was in his early teens then? Damn, where on earth did the time go?

  4. Oh yeah. And this explains why I can only entertain imaginary friends.

    • LOL – There have been a grand total of 4 people in this place in the last year, other than me and my hubby . . . one also has a chronic health issue, so he understands how hard it is to keep up; i spent days cleaning before one of them came over; and the other two are our “roommates/landlords” and see how much pain i’m in all the time. I do most of my “entertaining” online, it’s just MUCH easier.

  5. Clady said

    “I MISS being able to keep my home clean, being able to do the things that most people take for granted. I’ve always been a bit of a “Suzy Homemaker,” and I find it hugely stressful and frustrating to have to let things slide or get someone else to do them for me. I HATE not having room to keep things put away and looking decent, I HATE not having a closet, and I especially HATE living in a single room with everything we own.”

    I can really relate to this, you almost made me tear up. I push myself past what I know I can do and pay for it later. Will we never learn?

    Hang in there.

    • Clady,

      There will probably always be days we push ourselves beyond what is doable, because we’re frustrated with not being able to do things, or because there’s something we REALLY want to do, etc. My hope is that I can start to do that less, reserving it for things that it’s really important for me to do (for example, I already know that next Saturday is going to be one of those days, because a group of my friends are planning to go to the Renaissance Fair. It’s a tradition that we get together and do this, and I’m refuse to miss it. However, I’ve got a good idea what it’s gonna do to me, so when I requested the day off, I also requested the next day so I can spend the day in bed recuperating.)

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