Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

Strategies and alternatives for coping with fibromyalgia, bipolar disorder and other chronic illnesses

One of Those Days . . .

Posted by wendyburnett on February 5, 2010


It’s one of those nights again . . . One of the ones where the pain is so bad that sleep is impossible, and the muscle twitching is even worse. It feels like my muscles are trying to squirm out of my skin, and there isn’t a comfortable position to be found, in or out of bed.

It’s 6 AM, and I have to be at work in 10 hours, so I seriously hope that I can sleep soon, but somehow I doubt it. It’s a cold, rainy night in Hotlanta; which is probably a big part of the problem, and it doesn’t look like that’s going to change in the next day or so. According to Accuweather.com, the Arthritis Index is “Very High.” I knew that’s what it was going to say before I checked it, but I had to look, just to verify what my body’s already telling me.

I’m sure my job doesn’t help the situation much, either, since I work in the deli of a major grocery chain, standing on my feet from the time I get there til the time I get home. I don’t have a car, so I walk the half mile back and forth; usually with wet feet from scrubbing down the slicers and spraying the floor. so by the time I get home all I want to do is get out of my wet shoes and socks and get my feet WARM again.

Some days I hate my life . . .

But then, it could always be worse. Right at the moment, I’m having trouble believing that; even though I’m sitting in a reasonably warm, dry building with a full belly. It’s all a matter of perspective, and mine is rather screwed up. It’s hard to stay positive when you’re dealing with a chronic illness, and even harder when there are multiple disease processes feeding off each other, triggering each other.

I have to keep reminding myself of what it was like before, when neither of us was working, and where we COULD be right now, if it wasn’t for the wonderful friends we rent from. There was a point a couple of years ago when living under a bridge was a definite possibility, but now things are beginning to look up a bit. Sure, things could be better, but we’ve been worse off, too.

And on that note, I think I’ll try to sleep again. Maybe I can catch a couple hours and avoid triggering a manic episode from lack of sleep.

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4 Responses to “One of Those Days . . .”

  1. Awww hon…. I am sorry that you are having a rough time. I sure can relate though! I seem to have one of those nights pretty much EVERY night… unless I am so intoxicated from meds that I get so knocked out I fall into a catatonic state for 12 hours or so…. It can be overwhelming at times.
    You are so right in saying that it is all a matter of perspective though… funny you should say that, but those words have become a mantra of mine the past few months… every time I turn around something else is trying to knock me or my honey down.. and I am the first to remind him that it could be worse.. but some days I don’t believe it… I know it is hard to stay positive!! I am going through that right now!
    I hope you got some sleep, and I want you to know that you have a friend in me… I might not be able to change things for you, but I am here if you need a shoulder or someone who truly understands.
    HUGS today! I hope today is a good one for you!
    Jolene

    • Thanks, sugar. I finally managed to get to sleep about 8, so I’m feeling just a bit better. That’s a good thing, since I have to leave for work in 30 minutes (and I am NOT looking forward to that, either. lol) I just hope it’s slow, so that I don’t have to spend 5 hours pushing the slicer carriage back and forth.

      I’ve got to figure out a way to spend more time working on my articles and such so I can get more money coming in. I’m hoping to build up the writing to the point I can dump the job and just write, but it takes time and work to get there, and on days I work I just plain don’t have the energy. I hate to admit it, but it’s gotten to the point that nothing much gets done until I need something, and then I’ll wash it, or dig it out of wherever it’s gotten piled. It’s a pain in the butt, but at least I HAVE stuff, and a place to keep/pile it.

      ACCCCCK! I forgot to blow-dry my shoes. Ooops. Oh well, I’ve got 20 minutes, that should be plenty of time. I guess it’s time to write another list (of things I need to make sure get done when I have to work.) Life sure is interesting sometimes . . . *giggles*

  2. I hope you went to work with dry shoes 😉 and today isn’t too hard on your body! You are inspiring to me… I haven’t been able to work for over 9 years now, and my hat is off to you that you persevere with your pain!
    Life is quite the adventure, isn’t it? LOL!!
    HUGS!
    Jolene

    • LOL. Yep, the shoes were dry, and today is one of hubby’s days off, so he drove me to work and picked me up. That always helps immensely, and I got lucky cuz it was a relatively slow night. I actually got to do something besides stand at the slicer all night, AND I managed to get the cleaning done and get clocked out on time, too.

      As far as working goes, I do it because I have no choice. I like being able to eat, and after the child support and court ordered insurance comes out of hubby’s check, there’s barely enough left to pay the rent and get him back and forth to work. Before I finally found a job, our grocery budget was usually $30 or less for two weeks groceries for two people. (I ate LOTS of peanut butter. LOL.) At this point, I could really do with a little less adventure, and a lot more money.

      I sure understand about the whole getting knocked down every time it starts to feel like you’re getting somewhere, too. Seems like every time we think we’re gonna have a couple of dollars to buy something we’ve been wanting, something blows up in our faces. Hubby had to drive around on the donut for about 5 months before we finally managed to replace it last week (it would have been about a month ago, but the thermostat went out on his car, and THAT had to be fixed first.) Thank heavens for friends though, if it wasn’t for that, we wouldn’t have internet OR a tv. The roommates let us piggyback on their internet connection and the cable; and if it wasn’t for the boyfriend of one of em, we wouldn’t even have a tv, since the one that the other roommate was letting us use died.

      We actually have a lot to be grateful for, even though it’s really hard to remember that most days.

      Thanks for reminding me of that . . .

      Hugs

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